We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
