I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
