I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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