WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
