If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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