i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
