what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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