Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
