Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
