Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
