At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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