His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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