She announced her abortion via fbk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
