Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
