I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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