So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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