im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
