Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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