do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
