just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
