I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
