i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
