Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
