So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
