It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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