gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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