Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
