so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
