You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
