When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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