Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
