We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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