please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
