Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
