He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
