Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
