I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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