While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it hurts more in the daytime
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
