Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.