just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar