help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am mentally ready for anal.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
