is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
