you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
