Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just high enough for therapy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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