He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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