I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i will never coherently bang her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
