i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
