You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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