Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
