I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
