You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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