I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
These tits shall not be calmed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
