i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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