Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
