I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
