some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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