He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
