YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
