I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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